I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
