I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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