Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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