he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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