I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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