In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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