am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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