was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
