So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
