Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
