Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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