I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
