It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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