its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
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I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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