Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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