I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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