So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
