You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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