Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
