she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
