Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
