Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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