I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize