Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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