in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
