I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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