just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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