just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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