Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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