And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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