It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
