I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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