A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
