So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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