I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
