I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
