brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
