Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
