Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
