I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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