I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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