but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
