just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
