i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
