i just google imaged poop.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
