she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
