thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
