you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
