Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were destined to go to rehab together
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
