I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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