:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
