and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
