He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
