Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
