The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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