Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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