My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
