I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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