You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
