you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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