Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
