At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She bit a glass in half.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
