my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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