why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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