guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
