1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
