onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
