He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
