that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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