Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
