I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
