Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
