You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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