This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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