fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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