Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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